Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize