I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
