I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I will die if light touches me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
