Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
