Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
