im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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