The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize