got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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