There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize