Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
