I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
did i walk over a car last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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