just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
