My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
