I wish I could punch you in the face.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize