Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
