Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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