I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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