bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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