You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize