I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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