I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize