she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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