I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
