I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
