I hate your face
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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