6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
