I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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