Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize