Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize