your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
