Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize