Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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