I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
