I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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