well I can't set my house on fire every night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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