I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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