why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize