My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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