Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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