Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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