Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
