I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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