i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
