I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
God, I missed his penis.
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