I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
