I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
