i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
