Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
