plz talk dirty to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize