I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize