we have officially lost it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
