There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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