i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
