babies were throwing up all over the place
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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