Michael Bay diarrhea
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
