she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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