I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
