I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I intend to get homeless drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
