if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
