He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
