Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
