just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
