There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Randomize
