Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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