And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
