you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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