Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
