she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
