I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
