I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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